#normal here being non disabled or chronically ill

[fandomobscura]

Sometimes I get to doubting myself and thinking eh I can't be *that* disabled but:

Normal people do not have to sit down in the shower

Normal people do not freak out if they forget to leave their phone next to the shower because what if they pass out in there (for that matter normal people do not prefer to keep a water bottle by the shower in case they need emergency fluids)

Normal people do not keep a bucket beside their bed in case they wake up too sick to move

Normal people do not sleep 12+ hours per day (more than half their life!!) and wake up tired

Normal people can work at jobs outside their house

Normal people do not have to overthink about every move they make and every tiniest decision just to stay at a baseline of stability. Normal people do not use a pulse oximeter as a fidget toy or mobility aids as fashion statements. Normal people get to simply live.

[cripplecharacters]

Alright, I'm just gonna bite the bullet. Worst that can happen is I make a fool of myself. I've been working on superhero stories, versions of the same universe since I was in 8th grade and what I want more than anything is to modernize superheroes, create a world where they act for all people's social good and take representation to the highest level I can think of. From your position of expertise, what can I do with the creation of disabled characters that would buck the trend, do some good, and show a good side. The non-prosthetic and non-corrected for disability rep in the genre is basically nil, I have no ideas and nothing to draw on. I guess I just wanna know what disabled audiences might like to see for once in their lives.

Hello!

Disabled superheroes are awesome. There's really few of them but the ones that we do have are often really important to us - you can look at the reactions to Sun-Spider being first introduced to the Spiderverse, back then I couldn't open my fridge without seeing that one panel where she explicitly says she has hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos.

Here are a few suggestions of what I'd like to see in the superhero genre:

Superheroes with facial differences. Comics love to use us for their ugly disfigured evil villains but not much else unfortunately. I'd kill for a superman type hero who saves people with a smile and a facial difference on his face. Especially for superhero stories that are geared towards kids and teens, we just desperately need something to help with shifting the public perception of people with facial differences from "evil and ugly" to "people that can be awesome". A hero with burn scars, with Treacher Collins syndrome, Bell's palsy, neurofibromatosis... anything.

Superheroes who use disability aids (and still need them when doing their job). Sun-Spider is an awesome example, she swings from her crutches and has a spider wheelchair. That's cool as hell. But even a less in-your-face aid would be great. A superhero flying above the city with her ankle-foot orthoses visible would go really hard. Also, superheroes who are concerned on how much these things cost and try their best to make sure they're still functional while they save the city.

Heroes with different causes of their disabilities. The vast majority of morally good disabled characters were involved in An Accident or some sort of Attack that disabled them. That's not bad or wrong at all, but I think in media is kind of oversaturated with this specific portrayal when a lot of people have progressive or congenital conditions. We need more stories that show those who were born disabled as heroes equal to those who were born abled and spent most of their lives abled. Superheroes with cerebral palsy, chromosomal disorders, congenital rubella, achondroplasia, all the disabilities that tend to get ignored despite so many people having them. Same for really common chronic illnesses, diabetes or COPD are criminally underrepresented.

Disabled superheroes that aren't saints because of their disability. This is the whole "disabled person can do no wrong" trope that appears sometimes. I'm mentioning it since superheroes are more "perfect" than most characters in other genres, so try to not make it so the disabled ones can do no wrong. Disabled people can still make mistakes that are their fault, make poor decisions, or just simply be angry sometimes.

When there's no active superhero action going on, show the normal human parts of the disabled experience. Depending on the demographic you're writing for it would be different things, but there are some fairly universal concepts like inaccessibility, microaggressions, or just boring things like the prosthetic leg no longer fitting well after the character gained some weight. If your characters are from the US, don't be afraid to mention that their insulin costs are barely affordable with their superhero pay. Show how the common everyday kind of ableism affect them when they're in civilian mode. This will make it much more authentic to disabled readers.

These are my suggestions, and I hope they are helpful. My last advice is to have multiple disabled characters, and in different roles. Maybe a character with ALS can no longer do superhero fighting, but he can still be a wonderful parent. Maybe the character with Usher syndrome is more interested in the hero than being a hero themselves (disabled heroes in relationships!). Maybe the character with phocomelia can't be a hero yet because she's six, but she can train hard to be one when she's older. Keep it varied, have them come from different life situations and have different goals just like abled characters do.

I hope this helps,

mod Sasza

[forgotten-daydreamer]

I love how inclusivity is handled in The Dragon Prince, here's why.

In most shows, as much as it bothers me to admit so, some people are right, inclusivity does feel forced sometimes. But it's not the characters' fault, it's not because of them being part of the lgbtq+ community, or being disabled, or being POC, or being strong women who do not conform to patriarchal standards.

It's not that.

It's that the show they are part of is a straight, white, abled parade - and notice, most of said shows won't even pass the Bechdel test.

So yes, in a show written by and aimed to straight, white, abled people, even I, a gay, non-binary, chronically ill person feel weird seeing charcters that are there just for the sake of inclusivity, albeit 'inorganic'.

In a show with the premise of "straight, white, abled men are the indiscussed MCs", seeing that one side-character that stands out and is often ridiculed and/or reduced to a single trait of their 'personality', such as 'the gay one', 'the asian one', 'the disabled one' (etc) is upsetting and feels uncomfortable as hell.

But TDP is different.

They immediately introduced powerful women, people of color, characters that are openly part of the lgbtq+ community, disabled characters etc. And not one of them per 'category', no. For the lgbtq+ community we have Amaya, Janai, Runaan, Ethari, Terry, Kazi. For the disabled community, we have Amaya again, Villads, and even a disabled wolf Ava. For the POC community, we have literally half of the cast, starting from King Harrow, then Ezran, every sunfire elf, Terry as well, etc. Same goes for women, who take up on roles that are rarely considered 'for women', like Opeli being the main member of the High Council, Amaya being the General, Rayla being the main Dragon Guard, Claudia being one of the main antagonists, etc.

Both main and side-characters are part of the communities, everything is so much more organic, enjoyable, thrilling.

We do not come in 'minor quantity'.

We are everywhere, among others, living our lives, doing our best, existing, thriving, proud. It's not just one or two of us among thousands. Surprise, 'categories' can mix! Just like I, a real human being, can be gay, enby as well as chronically ill, we can have characters like that as well! Amaya being lesbian and disabled, Terry being black and trans, Janai being black and lesbian, etc. And, another surprise, 'categories' don't define us. We don't 'shove it' in anyone's face like they say we do, we're just being us and cishets are upset because we don't conform to their sick standards.

Inclusivity is organic in TDP because nobody in that universe questions anyone else's color, gender, orientation, etc. And it's organic because we didn't have to wait half a season to see a black character, or a disabled character, or a gay character.

The key to inclusivity is to realise that we aren't just 'bonuses'. Fill shows and comics with lgbtq+, POC, disabled, and female characters. Not just one every 15, 20 characters. Everywhere.

We are everywhere! We are proud! We deserve to be seen! We deserve to be depicted as the normal people we are, without diminishing our traits but without making them our whole personality either. Treat us like human beings, be considerate like you should be with everyone on the planet of course, but treat us like humans.

Antagonising people who are 'different' (in the mind of straight, white, abled people) will not suppress us. We will keep insisting until you hear us. It's literally one of the main messages, one of the main teachings of TDP and it's so damn important.

Every single person on Earth should watch it. Every single kid should be introduced to TDP at an early age. Every old bigot should watch it, as well. Everybody. Even if it's considered a y7 (y10 for s4 and s5 apparently) show, everyone, no matter their age, should give it a try and watch it thoroughly.

Lots of love to the creators and everyone, literelly everyone involved in the production of one the best, most entertaining, most exciting, most formative shows ever. Please, keep it up! And thank you so much!

[stormlit]

quick round up of the latest character updates bc here on stormlit dot tumblr i love adding muses too much

GRÉTA TOVASDOTTEN, d.ragon age origins. the cut "human barbarian" origin from dao. avvar, from the frostback mountains, recruited by duncan after a neighbouring clan entirely wipes out her hold. already a warrior, gréta thinks she's meant to be a bloodthirsty reaver like her sister was, but discovers that fighting as a form of defence of others is what she's good at; she specialises as a guardian, and despite her blunt manner and lack of so-called respect for fereldan nobles making everything worse with their petty squabbles, becomes known for protecting the innocent and standing up for those who cannot. officially is probably the one to sacrifice herself against the archdemon. unofficially, spurns the landsmeet, refuses any boon and will not decide fereldan politics in any way, and goes to be warden-commander (but not arlessa) in amaranthine.

CATRIONA COUSLAND, d.ragon age origins. non-warden sibling of the warden, (barely) survives the attack on castle cousland because one of the few remaining guards pulls her out of the rubble and gets her into hiding. ser ailsa becomes cat's closest friend and protector. was never really a fighter anyway, but she becomes disabled as a result of the attack, and cannot fight. spends the blight living under the identity of nell mather, between highever and denerim, working to help those mistreated by howe's barbaric rule and struggling as darkspawn refugees; she organises prison breaks, sets up an underground hospital, enlists her mac eanraig family to smuggle in supplies. spends most of the blight thinking she's the last remaining cousland, til she discovers her warden sibling by accident; cannot see them for the longest time because she's nell now, she can't be cat. but eventually they reunite, and she helps by sending them info on howe's/darkspawn movements and rallying support of highever's vassal houses. is very much Not Okay after the blight.

F.RED B.URKLE, angel. rescued from being trapped in a demon hell dimension for five years, becomes the resident scientist, mathematician, computer whiz, and inventor of angel investigations, an LA-based private detective agency that specialises in vampires, demons, magic, and general weirdness. highly intelligent, cannot stop talking, easily underestimated, and an absolute survivor in any kind of awful circumstances, fred is kindhearted but has a lot of inner strength, and a vengeful streak. she's not really a fighter, but uses her innocence and ability to hide to throw people off. we don't talk about illyria i'm not there yet in my rewatch.

LAYLA KIM, fantasy oc. she's back, baby. a minor celeb after winning bake off years ago, layla is the owner of sweet dreams bakery in london, which sells the best cakes, cookies, and sweet treats you've ever had. they're also enchanted with minor spells to give small, temporary, positive boosts to the eater, ranging from happiness and good luck to temporary hp or damage resistance. normal people just think they make them feel great. sweet dreams also operates as a safe haven for the magic and mystical community where people can rest, share info, trade spell components, and buy layla's more potent enchanted items. she's a ray of sunshine, she's a warm hearth, she's willing to break her pacifism only for those who threaten her daughter. also she's chronically ill and disabled which massively impacts her life and is v important to mention ty.

[elsiebrayisgay]

there is something that feels so insidious to me in the way certain loved ones will wish me well. sometimes it feels like there is an obvious implication that the presumed goal not just of my treatment but of my life is the absolute minimization of symptoms, which is probably fine on the surface. symptoms feel bad, right? so why shouldn't you do everything you can to avoid them and keep all the "normal" function you can?

however, i think there is some implicit ableism that has snuck its way into that framing and is doing a lot of the lifting, it turns out. first, it implies a narrative of the "illness warrior"—life with an illness is often depicted as a struggle against the disease, and to lose your life (in terminal cases, as with cancer) is to "lose your fight." even in non-terminal chronic illness, i believe that framing is still common, at least from those who are not sick around the chronic illness patient, though there are some sick people who identify with that language. for some people, it can be empowering, giving them the strength to be a warrior and get up and fight, but for me, it feels like it puts the severity of my illness in my hands. to be very ill is to lose ground and fight badly. to some extent this is true, in that there are certain factors in my life i can change that will positively or negatively impact my health, but more broadly, this idea feels brutally unfair. if i am in pain because of a weather-triggered migraine, am i to simply get up and move my entire life in time with the seasons to avoid storms? it feels terribly unfair and lays responsibility for my symptoms existing or disabling me at my feet.

secondly, the high valuation of symptom-free—or as close as possible—existence feels to me to be assimilationist with capitalist values of labor. there has been a lot written about intersections and cross-applications between queer and disability theory. comp het translates to similar ideas of comp-abledness, which i think is a large part of what's going on here. i would extend this further to use queer assimilation as a framework for disabled assimilation. in the way that traditional values will lend more legitimacy to a queer couple who are monogamous, who follow established norms of marriage, cohabitation, etc, there is legitimacy to be had for disabled people who support themselves without or with minimal benefits, who are gainfully employed, who "do not let their disability stop them." yet disabled labor is undervalued especially in the laws that allow for disabled workers to be paid under minimum wages and the bleak landscape of legal accommodations being insufficient, difficult to enforce, at an employer's discretion, or all of the above leaving disabled workers in the hands of petty tyrants. disabled people are encouraged to keep working but not protected or treated fairly when they do. i believe this extends beyond work as well—the minimization of symptoms allows for a disabled person to keep their own household and do their own chores without support, and is therefore the valued goal, however unrealistic or difficult. in what i believe is a critically under-read essay, sunny taylor outlines "the right not to work," defending the value of a disabled life which does not fit norms of productivity in the workforce or the home. so i wonder: if there are supports available, why restrict myself from them? if there is a life that does not involve recovery to the norm but rather prioritizes quality of life, isn't that worthwhile? if there is a life without recovery to the norm but rather recovery self-directed towards the activities and functions a patient wants for themself, would that be so bad, even if they are still sick, even if they still need help?

i hope for such a life.

[flowercrowncrip]

hey echo, i'm really relieved you made it through the weekend and i'm so excited for your merfolk costume! i've always loved swimming and mer and, since becoming a wheelchair user myself, i've found imagery of mers using mobility aids creatively inspiring. i may have to try my hand at crocheting an eel or shark tail blanket for halloween

what i'm really writing in to say is that i had surgery a few weeks ago, intersex reconstructive surgery (stage one) under the "guise" of gender affirming surgery (for insurance purposes!) and i haven't been able to use my wheelchair at all during recovery. the farthest i can walk is to-from the restroom, but that's very dangerous, painful, and exhausting. i may need a revision to allow me to ever comfortably and safely use my chair again - this is, in part, the fault of my surgeons for not also consulting with a durable medical equipment specialist pre-op/providing one for me to consult with, but i also failed to opt out of a choice that was bundled into the surgical package normally and, for me, is FULLY cosmetic and not essential to function.

i'm really upset with myself for making the best choice for my health and mobility, and upset with my surgeons for not properly advising me as a patient. this is fixable however, i just... have to tolerate a reduced quality of life, reduced mobility, increased risk to my health, and of course the expected risks of a person with severe rheumatoid arthritis undergoing further surgery. i talk to my surgeons this week about revision! however, i was wondering if you had any advice for dealing with... feeling so frustrated with yourself over things like this? it is so, so unlike me to make such an impactfully negative choice regarding my health and mobility, and i can't help but feel stupid. my therapist (who is a trans woman herself) is very sympathetic, but isn't chronically ill, and doesn't fully grasp how impactful this is. i can't even go outside... ):

thank you so much echo, sending you all my love

That sounds like you’re going through a lot and that it’s very raw and emotional right now, which is totally understandable.

Every disabled person I know has made decisions that have harmed them. And I really mean everyone. Sometimes we don’t know what the consequences will be, sometimes it feels like the benefits will outweigh the risks, sometimes we’re pressured into making the decision that ultimately hurts us, sometimes we don’t realise how bad it will be, there’s so many reasons

I’ve certainly done it – in small ways that lead to temporary flares and in big ways that have permanently changed my body. I’ve also made decisions that could have impacted me really badly and came away, by pure luck, without anything bad happening.

I definitely have regrets over some of those choices, but I have gotten to the point where I don’t hate my past self for making them. I hope that with time you can get there too

Absolutely nobody goes through life without making choices they later regret. As disabled people we’re unlucky that a lot of our choices have higher stakes than non disabled people, but we’re still human and we can’t expect to be perfect and always get things right. And that’s okay

It doesn’t sound to me like you chose to be unable to use your wheelchair, it sounds like you chose to undergo surgery you thought would improve your life in different ways. A lot of people – most likely me included – would make that same choice. And I’m sure there are many possible worlds where you made the same choice and could still use your wheelchair safely.

I know (albeit through very different circumstances) how devastating it is to be without a wheelchair for longer periods with no clear end in sight and I offer you all the sympathy I can. I hope you can find things that bring you comfort and interest in less than ideal circumstances. I don’t know if you want advice about coping with being unable to get out, so I won’t offer any here but I’m happy to share what helped me if you ever want to know.

I wish you all the best with recovery and whatever your next steps are – whether they include revision or not.

On a less serious note I would absolutely love to see a crocheted eel or shark tail if you make one! They both sound amazing! (Or any craft projects – I love seeing what people create)

I’m the same with being inspired by how much disability comes into the stories of merfolk – chronic pain, speech loss and mobility aid use are so tied up in them that there’s so much room for disabled imagination. (And also queer imagination!)

That’s definitely a huge part of why it’s my pride outfit, and I’m really looking forward to wearing it out. I got a rainbow bubble machine today to add some extra fun to it all!

Sending you so much love in return 💜

[cripple-culture-is]

i have a genuine question.

i'm very sure i'm physically disabled on some sort of level(?), and doing research, i have seen other disabled folk say that my experiences are valid. i have seen people say that unnamed/unknown/undiagnosed disabilities are still such, and should be included in the discussion. i know how limited i am in terms of all the things i can't really do, such as stay outside or even stand for very long, and i often get many headaches just for doing minor things like that. i'm also prone to chronic pain/illness, albeit quite mild, but i feel like any of it's not enough to earn me a voice. there's some sort of guilt i have when i want to claim a community label or discuss my experiences, as i wonder if i'm speaking over people who have it worse than me and definitely do know everything about themselves with the confidence to justify their place.

do you think someone like me belongs in disabled safe spaces? would i get harassed and booed out for using my privilege to fake and deceive my way in? am i not really disabled and/or should i seek a much lighter, open to questioning, unprioritized, etc. version of the wider community so that i can get what i need without intruding on those who need it more? i'm just afraid of offending people who are actually, clearly disabled. i assume it's possible for someone's life to be physically difficult to navigate due to complications without necessarily being classified as disabled. y'know?

Thank you so much for the question! I am very happy to answer it 😁

I'm going to preface this by saying there is no such thing as being "not disabled enough". There are disabled people with higher and lower support needs (I have low support needs, my wheelchair using relative has high support needs), but no one is inherently "not disabled enough".

People tend to think of disability as being linear. They see the disability spectrum as ranging from being "less disabled" to "more disabled". That's not true. Not everyone with the same condition will manifest the same way.

Not everyone with my medical condition is disabled. While I seem "less disabled" than my relative, I am still equally disabled under U.S. law.

There are always people who will have something worse than you. But the more you think about them, the more you begin to ignore your own struggles. It can fall into the realm of "toxic positivity". By thinking "Oh, I don't have it that bad, someone else has it worse", you kind of gaslight yourself into thinking you're completely fine when you're not.

I read actually a lot of internalized ableism in your comment. Happens to all of us. It honestly makes me cringe, but it's definitely not your fault.

From my own experiences, you belong here. People think that only visible disabilities are VALID disability. Those with "actual clear" disabilities. But most disabled people actually have invisible disabilities.

I am NOT visibly disabled. I don't use a wheelchair, cane, or any other type of mobility aid. I have an autoimmune disease that causes chronic pain, inflammation, and joint damage. I have been physically disabled my entire life.

Trust me when I say that you not being visibly physically disabled DOESN'T MEAN you aren't physically disabled.

July is Disability Pride Month, yes, it's the 31st, so the last day of July. But the point still stands. There's a banner on the Disability Pride Month pride flag for people like us. The white banner stands for invisible and undiagnosed disabilities. There is definitely a space here for you.

You aren't "faking" or "deceiving" your way into the disabled community. Will you be harassed? Maybe. There is some ableism within even the disability community. I've been harassed in real life for using things I have a legal right to, merely because I'm not "clearly disabled".

I can guarantee that if you saw me, you would just see a "standard", "normal", non-disabled 20 year old girl. 100%. I know because that's how most people see me. But I'm physically disabled under American law.

There is space for you here. You are welcome here. And I do not tolerate ableism of any kind on this blog, therefore, you're safe here, and your experiences are just as valid as any of the other physically disabled people here ❤️

Most non-disabled people don't run into barriers in society when it comes to what they can do physically. Chronic pain is ALWAYS considered a disability under U.S. law, and if (and hopefully when) you get a chronic illness/chronic pain diagnosis, you are automatically protected under the ADA. If you run into issues standing for long periods of time, you are likely disabled. I struggle with the same exact thing.

And I know most people DON'T struggle with that. Earlier this year, I saw 20+ people stand up for the entirety of a junior hockey game, including intermissions, and that was about 1 and a half to 2 hours long. I can only stand in one spot for about 2-5 minutes without my knees and feet hurting, to the point where I will always shift my weight from foot to foot when standing.

And I'm also going to be 100% honest with you. People will say "those who need it more". There actually AREN'T many accommodations for disabled people, and there's actually no shortage of accommodations for disabled people. They are just HIGHLY HIGHLY gatekept by the non-disabled government and withheld, sometimes even from those who need it.

You belong in this community, and you are welcome here ☺️

[cuntess-carmilla]

I'm seeing people use the term "chronic fatigue" incorrectly all of a sudden lately. Granted, I've only seen it on Twitter, but I still want to talk about it here. If you're using the term improperly, I'd like it if you'd stop and inform yourself on the subject.

Chronic fatigue is not just being very tired, in case you're not aware. It disables you and comes with cognitive dysfunction (persistent state of confusion, inability to focus, inability to process new information or articulate your thoughts, poor memory, and more).

Chronic fatigue especially ISN'T being tired due to punctual external reasons that'd tire any person without a preexisting condition and it DOESN'T go away with proper rest. Proper rest simply avoids worsening it, and even that can fail, seeing as obtaining proper rest when you have chronic fatigue ranges from very difficult to Not Happening.

Not everyone's chronic fatigue is equally disabling, some people can lead a "normal" life at a great cost (and risk of permanently making it worse) while others are bedridden, but it's not a tiredness caused by a factor that if you remove it, will fix it, unless of course you find effective MEDICAL TREATMENT that makes it go away AS LONG AS YOU KEEP TO YOUR MEDICAL TREATMENT, or get a specific SURGERY in case yours comes from tethered (spinal) cord and/or CCI. This surgery consists on fusing some of the vertebrae of your neck permanently, by the way.

Some conditions that cause chronic fatigue; your brain being deprived of enough oxygenated blood (orthostatic intolerance, anemia, hypotension), your immune system attacking your own body (autoimmunity), metabolic issues on a CELLULAR level (ME/CFS), gastrointestinal issues, chronic pain, and a long, long etcetera. Mine comes from a combination of a genetic mutation that makes ALL my organs function poorly, orthostatic intolerance and autoimmunity.

It's a disabling condition nearly impossible to combat and even more impossible to push through. I've been trying to treat mine for 3 years, researching and trying new things non-stop for 3 years, and I'm still housebound and unable to work.

Please, I beg you, don't trivialize the term "chronic fatigue". The medical establishment and society at large already don't take it seriously, believe it can be cured by positive thinking/CBT or exercise, or believe it's a myth to justify laziness.

Please, don't turn "chronic fatigue" into the next "gaslighting" or "emotional labor". The harm that'd cause to the disabled/chronically ill community would be unmeassurable. We deal with enough disbelief and lack of care as is.

[mj-is-writing]

happy blorbo blursday! I'd love to hear some rambles about some of your disabled characters, whoever's on your mind! as a disabled writer it always makes me so happy to see disability rep :D

Let’s GO I love talking about them! Also it’s disability pride month and talking about rep is important, so this was a great ask ❤️

So, creating the character of Trevor is very different from what I normally do. Basically, I realized that I’d never written about a wheelchair user, ever, and said “oh fuck, well that has gotta change” and committed to giving the next OC I ever worked on a wheelchair. It was a few weeks after that that a friend of mine and I started working on a story concept together, and between the two of us, I was given basically free reign over characters and concept art. So I immediately did several drawings of Trevor in his chair, did some research on reasons a person may need mobility aids, and went to my friend the next day and said “here he is.” That’s the story. That’s where he came from. And since then, he’s become one of my favorites to think about. He’s so much fun and adds a lot to the comedic tone of the story by being a very upbeat and relaxed guy in complete contrast to his nervous and frantic best friend (essentially it’s one guy who is stuck in a cosmic horror story but all of his friends think it’s a chill slice of life). He does have platform crutches, but he doesn’t use them much. He has a pet cat.

A lot of my characters are ND, like. A lot. I don’t even know where to begin listing them all. I am very emotionally attached to every OC I’ve ever had, but I will pick Joshua to talk about a bit here. He has ADHD, he exclusively wears rainbow socks, and he works in a chill little magic bookstore. He’s struggling but he is so loved by his family, his boss, his friends, and he does alright. He has magic abilities that are very unique from the other characters.

I’m still working on worldbuilding for this story, so none of the characters have names yet, but I have one WIP where a good chunk of the main cast is disabled. The protagonist is a double amputee, and one of her friends designed customs prosthetics for her. One of her friends is Hard of Hearing. Another (the protag’s platonic soulmate) is, now that I think about it, probably ADHD? I didn’t have that in mind when coming up with the character, but it would be a valid interpretation of him. He also has this… supernatural thing going on that could be compared to chronic pain and fatigue; I normally dislike the chronic illness rep only being a “curse” or a spell or something, and don’t usually write that kind of thing, but I think it works here partially because this world doesn’t shy away from accommodations and disability already, and we see evidence of that in the main cast. Were he the only one in an otherwise abled group, I probably wouldn’t write this the same. That would feel like a trope to me. (That’s not to say that magic can’t be used as a good metaphor, I’m a huge fan of how The Owl House handles Eda’s curse, I just don’t trust myself not to handle it badly.)

I mentioned for another Blorbo Blursday an unnamed character who I think I referred to as Francis for that post? He belongs here as well, being non-speaking autistic. Just thinking about the magical AAC devices that he has access to make me happy. I’m not the kind of person who wants to write a ton about hardships and struggles; disability is hard, it’s disabling (duh), but that doesn’t mean that all disabled people are living in straight up misery 24/7, and I want to include representation of people who do get the accommodations they need, who are loved and supported, who get to be heroes in both big and small ways. Francis struggles a lot. He has a lot of support needs. But he also has joy. I want the reader to always remember that he has joy.

I don’t always do the best job when it comes to representing groups I’m not a part of. I know this, because it will always be true that im not perfect. But im trying really hard, and I really care about these characters. And I hope that someday, other people will care about them too. ❤️

[wolfstar-in-color]

July Colorful Column: Remus is a Crip, and We Can Write Him Better.

There is one thing that can get me to close a fic so voraciously I don’t even make sure I’m not closing other essential tabs in the process. It doesn’t matter how much I’m loving the fic, how well written I think it is, or how desperately I want to know how it ends. Once I read this sentence, I am done.

It’s written in a variety of different ways, but it always goes something like this: “You don’t want me,” Remus said, “I am too sick/broken/poor/old/[insert chosen self-demeaning adjective here].”

You’re familiar with the trope. The trope is canonical. And if you’ve been around the wolfstar fandom for longer than a few minutes, you’ve read the trope. Maybe you love the trope! Maybe you’ve written the trope! Maybe you’re about to stop reading this column, because the trope rings true to you and you feel a little attacked!

Now, let’s get one thing out of the way right now: I am not saying the trope is wrong. I am not saying it’s bad. I am not saying we should stop writing it. We all have things we don’t like to see in our chosen fics. Maybe you can’t stand Leather Jacket Motorbike Sirius? Maybe you think Elbow Patch Remus is overdone? Or maybe your pet peeves are based in something a little deeper - maybe you think Poor Latino Remus is an irresponsible depiction, or that PWPs are too reductive? Whatever it is, we all have our things.

Let me tell you about my thing. When I first became very ill several years ago, there were various low points in which I felt I had become inherently unlovable. This is, more or less, a normal reaction. When your body stops doing things it used to be able to do - or starts doing things you were quite alright without, thank you very much - it changes the way you relate to your body. You don’t want to hear my whole disability history, so yada yada yada, most people eventually come to accept their limitations. It’s a very painful existence, one in which you constantly tell yourself your disability has transformed you into a burdensome, unworthy member of society, and if nothing else, it’s not terribly sustainable. Being disabled takes grit! It takes power! It takes a truly absurd amount of medical self-advocacy! Hating yourself? Thinking yourself unworthy of love? No one has time for that. 

Of course, I’m being hyperbolic. Plenty of disabled people struggle with these feelings many years into their disabilities, and never really get over them. But here’s the thing. We experience those stories ALL THE TIME. Remember Rain Man? Or Million Dollar Baby? Or that one with the actress from Game of Thrones and that British actor who seemed like he was going to have a promising career but then didn't? Those are all stories about sad, bitter disabled people and their sad, bitter lives, two out of three of which end in the character completing suicide because they simply couldn’t imagine having to live as a disabled person. (I mean, come on media, I get that we're less likely to enjoy a leisurely Saturday hike, but our parking is SUBLIME.) When was the last time you engaged with media that depicted a happy disabled person? A complex disabled person? A disabled person who has sex? No really, these aren’t hypothetical questions, can you please drop a rec in the notes?? Because I am desperate.

There are lots of problems with this trope, and they’ve been discussed ad nauseam by people with PhDs. I’m not actually interested in talking about how this trope leads to a more prevalent societal idea that disabled people are unworthy of love, or contributes to the kind of political thought processes that keep disabled people purposefully disenfranchised. I’m just a bitch on Tumblr, and I have a bone to pick: the thing I really hate about the trope? It’s boring. I’m bored. You know how, like, halfway through Grey’s Anatomy you realized they were just recycling the same plot points over and over again and there was just no WAY anyone working at a hospital prone to THAT MANY disasters would stay on staff? It's like that. I love a recycled trope as much as the next person (There Was Only One Bed, anyone?). But I need. Something. Else.

Remus is disabled. BOLD claim. WILD speculation. Except, not really. You simply - no matter how you flip it, slice it, puree it, or deconstruct it - cannot tell me Remus Lupin is not disabled. Most of us, by this point, are probably familiar with the way that One Canonical Author intended One Dashing Werewolf to be “a metaphor for those illnesses that carry stigma, like HIV and AIDS” [I’m sorry to link you to an outside source quoting She Who Must Not Be Named, but we’re professionals here]. Which is... a thing. It’s been discussed. And, listen, there’s no denying that this parallel is a problematic interpretation of people who have HIV/AIDS and all such similar “those illnesses” (though I’ll admit that I, too, am perennially apt to turn into a raging beast liable to harm anything that crosses my path, but that’s more linked to the at-least-once-monthly recollection that One Day At A Time got cancelled). Critiques aside, Remus Lupin is a character who - due to a condition that affects him physically, mentally, emotionally, and intellectually - is repeatedly marginalized, oppressed, denied political and social power, and ostracized due to unfounded fear that he is infectious to others. Does that sound familiar?

We’re not going to argue about whether or not “Remus is canonically disabled as fuck” is a fair reading. And the reason we’re not going to argue about whether or not it’s a fair reading is because I haven’t read canon in 10-plus years and you will win the argument. Canon is only marginally relevant here. The icon of this blog is brown, curly haired Remus Lupin kissing his trans boyfriend, Sirius Black. We are obviously not too terribly invested in canon. The wolfstar fandom is now a community with over 25,000 AO3 fics, entire careers launched from drawing or writing or cosplaying this non-canonical pairing. We love to play around here with storylines and universes and races and genders and sexualities and all kinds of things, but most of the time? Remus is still disabled. He’s disabled as a werewolf in canon-compliant works, he’s disabled in the AUs where he was injured or abused or kidnapped or harmed as a child, he’s disabled in the stories that read him as chronically ill or bipolar or traumatized or blind or Deaf. I’d go so far as to say that he is one of very few characters in the Wide Wonderful World of media who is, in as close to his essence as one can be, always disabled. And that means? Don’t shoot the messenger... but we could stand to be a tiny bit more responsible with how we portray him. 

Disabled people are complicated. As much as I’d like to pretend we are always level-headed, confident, and ready to assert our inherent worth, we are still just humans. We have bad days. We doubt our worth. We sometimes go out with guys who complain about our steroid-induced weight gain (it was a long time ago, Tumblr, okay??). But, we also have joy and fun and good days and sex and happiness and families and so many other things. 

Remus is a disabled character, and as such, it’s only fair that he’d have those unworthy moments. But - I propose - Remus is also a crip. What is a crip? A crip - like a queer - is someone who eschews the limited boundaries placed on their bodies, who rejects a hierarchy of oppression in favor of an intersectional analysis of lived experience, who isn’t interested in being the tragic figure responsible for helping people with dominant identities realize how good they have it. Crips interpret their disabilities however they want, rethinking bodies and medicine and pleasure and pain and even time itself. Crips are political, community-minded, and in search of liberation. 

Remus is a character who struggles with his disability, sure. But he’s also a character who leverages his physical condition to attempt to shift communities towards his political leanings, advocates for the rights of those who share his physical condition, and has super hot sex with his wrongfully convicted boyfriend ultimately goes on to build community and family. Having a condition that quite literally cripples you, over which you have no control, and through which you are often read as a social pariah? That’s disability. But using said condition as a means through which to build advocacy and community? Now that’s some crip shit. 

Personally, I love disabled!Remus Lupin. But I love crip!Remus Lupin even more. I’d love to see more of a Remus who owns his disability, who covets what makes him unique, and who never ever again tells a potential romantic partner they are too good for him because of his disability. This trope - unlike There Was Only One Bed! - sometimes actually hurts to read. Where’s Remus who thinks a potential romantic partner isn’t good enough for him? Where’s Remus who insists his partners learn more about his condition in order to treat him properly? Where’s sexy wheelchair user Remus? Where’s Remus who uses his werewolf transformations as an excuse to travel the world? Where’s crip Remus??

We don’t have to put “you don’t want me” Remus entirely to bed. It is but one of many repeated tropes that are - in the words of The Hot Priest from Fleabag - morally a bit dubious. And let’s face it - we don’t always come to fandom for its moral superiority (as much as we sometimes like to think we do). 

This is not a condemnation - it is an invitation. Able-bodied folks are all but an injury, illness, or couple decades away from being disabled. And when you get here, I sincerely hope you don’t waste your time on “you don’t want me”ing back and forth with the people you love. I’m inviting you to come to the crip side now. We have snacks, and without all the “you don’t want me” talk, we get to the juicy parts much faster. 

Colorfully,

Mod Theo

[sometimesiwriteangst]

This was made back in 2020 lol. I actually want to redo this, cause it was gonna be part of a multichapter fic. And also as you’ll be able to see, it’s really not finished XD. I make no promises, but exploring a disabled au with more “realistic” angst is something I’m interested in. Just thought some of you might enjoy seeing where it started!

Also a note, disabled experiences aren’t inherently angst, but learning to accept new limitations, being diagnosed with difficult disorders, and sometimes just navigating life and symptoms can be “angst”. This is written by a chronically ill disabled person so just please be aware of that.

Anyways, only tw really is that Logan’s dealing with some internalized ableism.

Also, although I am autistic, I’m not non verbal, so before I write this into like, a full “thing”, I will be updating my research to be as accurate as possible.

Logan looks at the school with a look one could only describe as discomfort. He looks back at his parents.

“Do I have to go?” he asks bitterly.

“It’ll be good for you,” his mother says, “and it’s only for two years. After your A levels you’ll go off to a – normal – university.”

“Right.”

Logan doesn’t care to dwell on his mother’s words, and yet he can’t help it. Normal. Right, this school wasn’t normal. Neither were the people in it. People like him. He fiddles with the medical alert necklace around his neck, feeling the engraving, the cold metal.

“Well? What are you waiting for?” his father asks. “Go on in.”

Logan sighs, nods and walks into the building. He hears his parents drive away as he holds his bags close to his chest. He had to go to the office to meet his teacher and the school council president, or so he had been told.

He pulls out a map and inspects it carefully. He had colour coded it, so he could easily direct himself.

He gets to the office and knocks timidly, which felt so unnatural to him. He notices various accessibility things and feels uncertain. However, he enters on cue and sees Dr Sanders and Patton.

Patton is grinning widely, his uniform neat but his hair a mess. He has bright eyes, short dark dreads and beautiful dark skin. Logan is taken aback because Patton looks normal, and remembers he does as well.

“So, you’re Logan Surname?” Dr Sanders asks with a warm smile, “it’s a pleasure to meet you. Take a seat.”

Logan does so and listens carefully as Dr Sanders explains how the school works. He then directs him to Patton, saying he’ll show him to his dorm and help him out showing him around the school etc.

Patton then waves excitedly, eagerly stimming and making some kind of signs that Logan doesn’t recognise. Logan looks at Dr Sanders awkwardly, and Patton looks deflated.

“He’s non verbal. May I suggest you take some sign language classes here? We have a lot of students who use it, and it will be helpful for you.”

Logan nods slightly, turns back to Patton and smiles slightly.

“My apologies. I guess I’m still getting used to...this. Um, are you deaf? Ah, wait, I shouldn’t ask, sorry-”

Patton cuts him off by waving and showing him his medical id bracelet, which reads non verbal, autistic. Logan nods in understanding.

“My cousin is autistic. Um...I have epilepsy? And dyslexia...but it’s not too bad – um – I can read your-I’m sorry, I’m not usually like this.”

Patton waves him off and takes out his phone, quickly bringing up an app as the two walk outside. He types and it speaks.

“It’s ok. I’m guessing you’re new to being disabled?”

Logan feels uncomfortable with the word but nods.

“I was diagnosed with dyslexia when I was eight, but my epilepsy...” he trails off, not wanting to go into detail.

Patton stims, telling him it’s ok with his actions.

They go to the dorm and drop off Logan’s stuff.

Patton then shows Logan around the school, explaining bits like where classes are, and how everyone is expected to join a club. Logan asks about clubs.

“I’m in the school council! Oh but you know that. My friend Virgil is in both the debate team and the art club. But there’s musical clubs and art clubs and sports and all sorts!”

Patton appears to be about to tell him about all the clubs, but Logan stops him.

They compare schedules and Patton is disappointed they don’t share any classes, but tells him he knows some of his friends have those classes. Logan nods awkwardly, wondering if they’ll look normal.

Patton reminds him that he’ll need to start classes tomorrow, but not to worry, he’s not the only new one.

As if on cue, the twins come out, almost bumping in. Include something about them being latino somehow? They introduce themselves as Roman and Remus. Logan finds himself looking at Roman’s missing arm and leg, and upon noticing Roman is immediately uncomfortable.

Remus is annoyed at Logan, and Logan mentions to Patton that he’s surprised they’re both there, and is it genetic? Patton tells him that it’s personal, and not to go asking questions.

“They’ll tell you if they want to.”

Logan feels bad.

The next day Logan heads off to his Psychology class, where he meets Janus, Emile, Remy, and Remus again. He apologises to Remus, who seems ok but says it’s Roman he should apologise to. His speech is obviously not quite right – he repeats words at times, but Logan reminds himself to ignore it. It’s fine.

He’s surprised that both Remus and Emile appear “normal”, but is fascinated by Janus’ chair, and notices Remy’s cane and also that he obviously can’t see.

He goes about his day, has a project to do, and studies in the library where he’s joined by Patton and Janus. They chat and study together, and Logan looks at them, wondering if he’ll ever get used to it.

“So what are you studying?” Janus asks, obviously tired.

“Uh...psychology, physics, english literature and environmental studies...”

Patton grins and stims to show approval.

“Clever, hm? You must like science and shit.”

“Yeah, well...I wanted to be a surgeon.”

The words feel heavy in the air, and both Janus and Patton seem to understand. Logan flushes, a little shocked that he actually told them.

He ends up leaving them, not wanting to dwell on the matter. He bumps into Remy, who seems a bit stressed, but they don’t share words.

Logan falls asleep unsure of his future, thoughts running through his head until.

“Fuck, I forgot to take my meds.”

[of-faunsandyellowflowers]

Hello! I saw that you posted about working with Cernunnos, and I'm interested in working with him honestly, but there's one problem. I'm Chronically Ill, and have been bed bound almost all day, so I'm worried about how good of a devotee I can be when fatigued or depressed. Do you think Cernunnos would be alright with a Chronically Ill follower, and how he might even be able to help? And do you have any ideas for how to worship him while having little energy? Thanks so much, I appreciate it!

Hi! I get this question a lot from people actually. I'll post this one publically so ppl can see. This is going to be long! I apologize for that.

First and foremost: disabilities/chronic illness are NOT an issue for most deities/spirits that help guide is. There are some who are very old and quite unwilling to interact with humans due to past grievances or trauma that these souls have endured, but it's not a disability thing.

This is something that many many many of us here on earth experience (myself included, I am autistic with adhd, major depressive disorder, PTSD and major anxiety alongside IBS, Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome). I get this question a lot, and I've had this question myself.

Cernunnos (link to my long post about it which also mentions this) actually has a soft spot for chronically ill people and adores helping comfort them and bringing them guidance. You do not need to worry about this being a burden within your work. Theres SO many ways to practice magick, ritual, meditation and be a devotee to a god even when this way. I'm a dark forest/green witch (non wiccan) and I'm also a kitchen witch. These forms of magick bring me the most comfort and work best for me. Find the types you are drawn to, and incorporate them into your day. It doesnt need to be big. Divination, for example, is a good way to communicate with your gods when you are unable to meditate. Little things are just as impactful as the large ones and require minimal effort. Make tea with certain ingredients and enchant a spell for it....etc.

The first piece of advice I can give you is to get yourself into the mindset that you are, and shall always be good enough for a god to help guide you. This will not only raise your vibrations but will also set you on the path that you need to be. I fall back on this sometimes. This doesnt mean become conceited. We still need to show respect to these divine beings and when they offer guidance, be nice. DO NOT demand things.

Second, meditation is INCREDIBLE. it does NOT need to be some in depth 'find your soul' type meditation. With adhd, I have an awful time trying to concentrate. One thing Cernunnos has told me is that I must take my own time, and be patient. Even 5 min a day helps. Meditation opens you up to spirit more, grounds you, and makes it easier to do spirit work the more you do it and the longer tou do it. It is also VERY good way to cope with disabilities as it calms our mind down as well as body.

Third, grounding is 100% needed. This is why I mention meditation, through this you can learn to ground. Grounding is an exercise which literally 'grounds' your soul into your body, calming you and giving you a better base for when you start doing more magick. It's very easy to learn and takes minimal effort.

4th, learn divination. This can be tarot, oracle, pendulum...whatever YOU feel is best. This is the way I normally talk to Cernunnos when my hearing is blocked.

5th, learn how to put up wards. This is mentioned in my Cernunnos post that I put up. A lot of people on here will state you do not need them. Heres the thing, you do. It's not because Gods cant protect us, it's because Gods have SO many people that they work with and theres so much that we as humans? We dont know about. As someone whose been attacked BY a malicious spirit, I can concur you do need wards when you do magick. They also are essential because they teach you defensive magick which Gods would want you to know anyway when you get to the point of travelling in the astral, but that's more advance magick. Anyway how to wards is in that link!

6th, in my link I shared it talks about a lot of ways to get in contact with Cernunnos but I'd like to mention some ways I do it as a chronically Ill person myself. I'll also list ways I personally offer him things.

Meditation outside (not during winter)

Dancing (he adores dancing)

Listening to irish/celtic music

Cooking with his favorite foods

Tarot

Telling him about my day out loud

Telling him I love him, thanking him for his guidance

Wearing his pendant.

Singing in irish

I'd also like to note that Cernunnos has such a soft spot for his disabled devotees, he will literally yell at you sometimes if you are pushing yourself too hard or being disrespectful to your body in anyway. And some warnings: if you choose to work with him you HAVE to be respectful to nature. This doesnt mean be vegan. Cernunnos adores meat, you just need to honor it. Always give an offering or ask a plant prior to picking. Make friends with your local fae (just offer them things to keep the peace), talk with your trees. Be kind to the earth. That is his #1 rule when working with him. I've seen him get furious over trees be cut down too soon. He hates how corrupt our world has become.

He loves us, but he wants us to respect ourselves, our home, and so forth.

Again I hope this helps and you guys are always welcome to reach out to me about him!

[matildaisautisticandproud]

April 8th - 30 Days of Autism Acceptance

April 8: What are some misconceptions/stereotypes about autism that you hate?

1. People with autism don’t want friends. Albeit this might be true to some, this isn’t true to all. Most autistics, I’ve found, want to have more friends, but either don’t know how to go about befriending people and/or people don’t want to spend time with them. Personally, for years, I always longed to have a friend who got me and that I could be open with. (I struggled to actually be myself around people my whole life and still do.) My roommate, Missy, is that friend now, but you don’t know how lonely it is going through grade school without a best friend.

Lots of other girls had besties and many of my friends had friends that they shared their most darkest secrets with; they were super close to each other. Since I didn’t know how to go about forming that connection and I am generally a reserved person, I never had that friend and it was painful. I wanted a best friend, but I didn’t know how to establish a strong connection, maintain it, and most people thought I was “weird” and didn’t really want to be my friend.

I don’t mean to throw my own pity party by saying this, but I was the person who others would one day make me feel on top of the world by including me, but then, would distance themselves once they were done with me and make me feel terrible. This constant cycle of inclusion and exclusion, interest and disinterest, was really damaging to younger me. It frustrated me and made me think the reason I couldn’t have a close, good friend was because there was something wrong with me. (There’s never something wrong with you (unless you’re a murderer or that of the like). It’s society who is in the wrong for tossing aside such a beautiful human being.)

2. People with autism can’t feel or express emotion. This statement is 100% false. By saying this, people are invalidating the emotions of autistics, which is never okay. It is true that many on the spectrum have the inability to recognize their own emotions and/or don’t express their emotions as “normal” people do, but we still have feelings. Just recently, I have gotten better at identifying what I’m feeling, but I’m still not adroit with it. Also, I think that I feel a lot more deeply that those not on the spectrum, as do many autistics. Because I don’t really express my emotions, I’ve had people say that I seem “emotionless” and “robotic” all throughout my life. I never did and still don’t think much of it; it’s just how I am.

I get scared, sad, furious, elated, and more. Just because I don’t express my emotions in a way you can understand doesn’t mean I don’t have them. My body language is just different. (Also, I’ve learned to internalize all my emotions and grievances so, no body really knows what’s going on in my head.)

3. All autistics are just like [insert name here]. As I’ve stated numerous times before, the nature of ASD is that no two manifestations of it are exactly the same. Two autistic people may share similar experiences and struggles, but autism still affects them at least slightly differently.

4. Autistics can’t understand the emotions of others and are apathetic. Many autistics actually experience “too” much empathy. Some are apathetic, but as are some people who aren’t on the spectrum. Everyone is susceptible to being apathetic.

5. An autistic person has only struggles; they’re just their autism. Yes, autism is a key part of every autistic’s life, but it is not the only aspect of who we are. I think people should focus more on what a child can do than what they can’t, overall. Sure, Mark may not be able to handle going to the mall due to overstimulation, but he is especially skilled in painting. People should focus less on faults and flaws. Just focusing on such things will make life drab and miserable; plus, people as a whole are more than just their struggles.

6. People can grow out of autism, and it is only present in children. I, along with many others, are proof that this is false. I dislike how the struggles of adults (with and without autism, ADHD, and other disorders) are ignored in society. Not all problems go away with adulthood; it isn’t some cure all.

7. “There wasn’t all this autism/ADHD/etc. stuff back in my day so, it can’t be real.” These disorders are very much real. Perhaps the numbers have been increasing, but maybe there has just been a decrease in ignorance and an increase in compassion and acceptance. Also, diagnosing has gotten much easier, and since there is more knowledge available (i.e. the Internet) than ever before, people can self-screen and then determine whether or not to be tested. The only reason I am diagnosed is because I took the time to research different disorders via the Internet and decided to get professionally evaluated.

8. “Autism is caused by one thing.” Whether this “thing” be vaccines, a gene mutation, bad parenting, trauma, etc., this statement has been proven false by science. When studying the cause of autism, scientists have found that in one person, one gene could be the contributor to the person’s autism while in another, it’s a combination of several genes. The cause is unknown, but bad parenting has been debunked. However, there is evidence to suggest that the presence of heavy metals within a person’s system may be a possible cause. (Numerous children with autism have been found to have high levels of heavy metals within their body.)

As for the vaccine statement, it is unknown whether or not they do or don’t cause autism. There was a study carried out with the goal of proving or disproving the claim, but since the data was skewed, the results are invalid. I don’t necessarily support the claim, but there is not enough evidence for either side of the argument for me to take a side. I am a neutral in this debate. Though, I don’t believe that one should risk the death of their child just because they’d rather not have an autistic child. We’re not that bad; several parents love having an autistic child.

9. Autism only affects the brain. Again, I and many others are living proof that this claim is false. Many people with autism have co-occurring conditions like allergies, food sensitivities, gastrointestinal disorders, and epilepsy. Personally, I have numerous food sensitivities and gastrointestinal issues. I haven’t gotten a name as to what is wrong with my digestive system, but I do know there is a problem given what I experience on a daily basis.

10. All autistics are intellectually disabled. All statements that start with “all autistics” are automatically false. Even if the claim doesn’t pertain to autism itself (i.e. a political belief), autistics, like other people, have their own sets of beliefs and their own lifestyles. We’re human just like you; all that’s different is how our brains are wired and the struggles we endure.

To combat this claim, many autistics have a normal to high IQ level and can excel in school. There are those who have lower IQs, but they still can excel. One’s potential to be great isn’t dictated by IQ or a disability (or an ability and/or advantage for that matter).

11. Autistic people are great at STEM (Science Technology Engineering Math) classes. No. Although I especially excel with math and loved Algebra and Calculus, not everyone does. Some of us are great when it comes to STEM courses, but others of us struggle. Not all of us are even remotely interested in STEM, as well. Some of us prefer the arts, labor-intensive activities (i.e. construction), et cetera. We all have our different strong suits.

12. All autistics are savants. Some are, some aren’t. Although we all have special interests, most aren’t savants, actually. I don’t know where I fall when it comes to being a savant or not, but I’m not some super-genius. I didn’t invent some new scientific thing when I was 12 nor did I make a groundbreaking discovery. I do want to do something great with my future career, but I don’t know if I’ll ever be worthy of stardom and fame or be labeled as a savant.

The one thing I dislike is how people dismiss the existence of savants because they hate the stereotype. Autistic savants do exist, as do non-autistic savants, and saying that they don’t is harmful. Stereotypes come from somewhere, right? Savants exist and they deserve representation and appreciation too.

13. Autistic people don’t have relationships and moments of intimacy. Yes, they do. I personally don’t want a relationship right now nor do I want to engage in such intimate acts, but others do.

14. Autism kills marriages. This myth was made widespread by the infamous organization Autism $peaks. Sure, it may end some marriages, but why marry someone who is autistic then? If you truly loved the person then, you would accept them, autism and all.

15. Nonverbal autistics are all intellectually disabled. Although some are, not all are. A handful are highly intelligent. Autism isn’t a one size fits all thing.

16. Autistic people can’t do anything on their own/will never be independent. Some autistics won’t be able to be independent, but not all. Others don’t need any support while some, like me, need minimal support. People with all sorts of aid requirements exist on the autism spectrum. Each of us needs differing levels of support; also, especially so if one also has a chronic illness, some days I will be able to be completely independent, but the next day I may need lots of external support.

17. Having an autistic child is a tragedy. Yes, autism does make things more challenging, but there’s a silver lining in it. Like every other child, autistics are capable of great things and have talents. If people would just look past the struggles, label, and faults then, they’ll see an amazing person who isn’t just a diagnosis, but a fully fledged human being.

18. Autistic people are just rude. On honesty, we are not trying to be rude when saying the truth. In our brains, it is something that is acceptable to say. Many of us thrive on being honest as our brains tend to rely on logic more than anything else. By pointing out the size of your nose, we’re not trying to be rude. Personally, I don’t really struggle with being too honest, but sometimes I do say things aloud that shouldn’t be said. I just think of it as uttering an observation; I have no rude intents. When I am trying to be rude, you will know XD.

On conversational difficulties, it’s not that we don’t want to talk to you, it’s that we don’t know how to continue and/or initiate conversations. Not all autistics struggle a lot when it comes to social communication, but some do. Those who do, we just don’t know how to go about conversing “as normal”. We can’t help it. We’re not being rude. I struggle to continue and start conversations, which has led to many people thinking that I don’t like them. If you want to have a proper, lengthy conversation with me then, you have to start it and be able to keep it going.

On eye contact, we don’t mean to seem rude by not looking you in the eye when talking. For me, maintaining eye contact is distracting, which means that my focus is being directed away from what you’re saying, making me not able to adequately listen to you. Some autistics have little to no problems with eye contact.

19. “You don’t have to stim. Therefore, you’re just doing it to annoy me.” For me, it takes a lot of courage for me to feel comfortable with stimming around you. So, by ridiculing me for doing something that soothes me, you’re furthering my insecurity about it and hurting me. People who stim do it to self-soothe and to regulate themselves. Would you rather I shutdown (go nonverbal), experience sensory overload, or even have a meltdown? I don’t think so. Let people stim. Some of us don’t stim, but it is a lifeline for some of us.

20. “You don’t look autistic.” Well, riddle me this: What does autism look like to you? Apparently, we have completely different views on what an autistic person looks like. For me, an autistic person is anyone (a friend, neighbor, family member, student, teacher etc.) from any walk of life of any religion, lifestyle, culture, etc. The “autism look” is the generic person to me. Is there a specific way we should look, though? Please tell me more about your vision of how an autistic person outwardly appears.

I could go on about this subject for hours, but I’ll stop myself here. If you want me to debunk more myths and/or react to certain common sayings/stereotypes then, please leave a message in my ask box. I really, really, really! want to write more about this topic.

[demisexual-pride]

Demisexual 101

What is a Demisexual?

Demisexuality is a sexual orientation in which someone feels sexual attraction only to people with whom they have an emotional bond. Most demisexuals feel sexual attraction rarely compared to the general population, and some have little to no interest in sexual activity. Keep reading to understand more about this orientation.

What is the emotional bond demisexuals need for sexual attraction?

It varies based on the demisexual’s personal experiences and is slightly different for everyone. Emotional intimacy is a main component, usually, so some demisexuals find themselves attracted to close friends or romantic partners. Other components may include familiarity with the person and knowledge about them (ex: learning about aspects of their personality).

However, forming an emotional bond doesn’t guarantee that sexual attraction will happen. It is just a prerequisite for it to occur at all. The length of time required to develop an emotional bond may vary. For some demisexuals, it’s after several years of being close friends with someone, and for others, it might be a short but intense experience, such as traveling abroad for a week with them.

Isn’t it normal to only want sex after getting to know someone?

There’s a difference between feeling sexually attracted to someone and wanting to have sex with them. Sexual attraction isn’t something you can control either you have sexual feelings for someone or not. You can’t force it to happen and you can’t force it to go away, so you don’t have a choice in the matter. Sexual behavior, on the other hand, is something you can choose to participate in, or not.

Most people on the non-asexual side of the spectrum feel sexual attraction regardless of whether or not they have a close emotional bond with someone. They may have sexual feelings for attractive people on the street, classmates or coworkers they’ve barely spoken to, or celebrities. However, they may choose to wait to have sex for a variety of reasons: it might not be feasible or appropriate, they want to make sure the person is respectful and kind, it’s against their religious beliefs, they only want to have sex in a romantic relationship, etc. The difference is that demisexuals don’t start out with these sexual feelings at all.

How does demisexuality relate to asexuality and the asexual spectrum?

Asexuality is a sexual orientation in which one feels little to no sexual attraction or interest in sex (the former definition is more widely used, but some asexuals use the latter definition. Both are valid and accepted.) Demisexuals are considered to be on the asexual spectrum, meaning they are closely aligned with asexuality, but not quite asexual. The asexual spectrum has asexuality on one end and non-asexuality on the other end.

Demisexuals are considered part of the asexual community because for the most part, they don’t feel sexual attraction. Many demisexuals are only attracted to a handful of people in their lifetimes, or even just one person. Many demisexuals are also uninterested in sex, so they have a lot in common with asexuals.

The thing that makes them different from asexuals is that they are capable of feeling sexual attraction it’s just that it only happens after they form a deep emotional bond with someone.

How do demisexuals feel about sex?

According to the 2014 AVEN Census, two thirds of demisexuals are uninterested in and/or repulsed by sex. However, there is a significant portion that enjoys it. Demisexuals have a variety of feelings about sex and other sexual activities, like masturbating and watching porn, so it’s hard to make statements about the group as a whole. All feelings about sex are valid in a demisexual identity: the only thing that defines demisexuals is that they only feel sexual attraction after forming an emotional bond.

Whether or not they feel sexually attracted to someone or not, they can choose to have sex too. They might want to have sex in order to get pregnant, to see what it’s like, or some other reason.

Why do demisexuals need a label?

The label helps demisexuals form a sense of community and a stronger sense of self. Through this label, they learn that there are others like them out there, and that there’s a community to support them. In this community, demisexuals can talk to others who share the same experiences, share advice on navigating a very sexual world, and find emotional support. The community unites around this label, which helps its members feel more secure in their identities.

Many demisexuals grow up feeling different from those around them. Most people have their first instance of sexual attraction in their preteen years. From that point on, sex becomes a topic of curiosity and interest for them, and they eventually look forward to pursuing it. For children and teens in school, there is a lot of talk about sex what it’s like, what it’ll be like, etc. This becomes more prevalent as they approach college and early adulthood.

Demisexuals often feel alienated by these conversations because they aren’t interested in sex, they don’t find people sexually attractive, or both. When the conversation turns to hot celebrities, for example, demisexuals may feel confused, and wonder what it is their friends see and feel. They wonder if they will eventually feel it too, and some even end up feeling “broken.” Knowing that there are others like them helps demisexuals feel less alone.

Am I Demisexual if..

The only thing that makes you a demisexual is if you feel sexual attraction only to people with whom you have a close bond. Unfortunately, doubt is part of the demisexual experience, and many questioning people find themselves wondering if something about them means they can’t identify as demisexual. Here are some common behaviors and characteristics which do not invalidate demisexuality.

I masturbate.

Some demisexuals enjoy masturbating for various reasons: because it feels good, because it’s relaxing or helps them sleep, or because for them, it’s a body maintenance thing. Masturbation doesn’t involve other people, so it definitely doesn’t invalidate demisexuality.

I enjoy having sex.

Sexual attraction is different from sexual behavior. You can have sex even if you’re not sexually attracted to the person, after all. Demisexuals who enjoy sex, who comprise about one third of demisexuals, enjoy it for a variety of reasons: it feels good, they like feeling intimacy with their partner, they have kinks they want to indulge, and many more. It is totally okay to identify as demisexual if you enjoy having sex.

I am repulsed by sex.

About one third of demisexuals find sex repulsive, in varying degrees. They are disgusted by it, want nothing to do with it, or don’t like to see depictions of it. Some even find nudity and genitalia repulsive. Even if they feel sexual attraction, some demisexuals never want to act on that attraction. This is a valid reaction, and you can definitely identify as demisexual if you are sex repulsed.

I watch porn.

Porn is often just fodder for the imagination. Some people are visual and require stimulation when they masturbate. It doesn’t mean they’re sexually attracted to the porn actors, it just means they’re aroused by depictions of sex. Many demisexuals who watch porn like to imagine themselves in the situations depicted. There are demisexuals who enjoy porn in the community.

I have sexual fantasies.

Fantasies are a way for our brains to try out scenarios we might never want to act on. Fantasizing about something doesn’t mean you’d want it in real life. Think of it this way: if a straight girl fantasized about having sex with a girl, would that make her bisexual? No! It would just mean she thought about having sex with a girl and maybe it seemed appealing in her head. Demisexuals, like other people, fantasize about all sorts of things, and none of these fantasies invalidates their identities.

I like reading erotic fiction.

Just like with porn, some people need stimulation when they masturbate, or just like reading steamy fanfiction. Again, it doesn’t mean they’re attracted to the people involved: it just means they are aroused by depictions of sex. Or maybe they just find the idea of their favorite characters having sex amusing.

I find celebrities or fictional characters attractive.

There are different types of attraction, and many demisexuals find celebrities aesthetically attractive. Maybe you see a beautiful painting and just want to keep looking at it that doesn’t mean you want to have sex with it! It’s possible to feel the same way about people.

Alternately, if you’re a hardcore fan and have immersed yourself in the life of your particular celebrity or character, you might feel that you’ve developed a kind of emotional intimacy with them. Perhaps you’ve learned about the meaning behind their song lyrics from interviews, or learned about their innermost thoughts from one of their novels. That’s a kind of emotional connection which can lead to sexual attraction.

I have kinks or fetishes.

There are kinky demisexuals out there. It’s possible to enjoy tying someone up or wearing leather without a sexual component. Professional dominatrixes don’t have sex with their clients, after all it’s all about the eroticism one can create without involving sexual attraction or sex. It’s also possible to enjoy BDSM as a way to become more emotionally intimate with someone. Of course, some demisexuals do enjoy the sexual aspect of kink, and participate in it for that reason, regardless of whether they’re sexually attracted to their partner or not.

I’m celibate due to my religious beliefs.

Your religion and your demisexuality are two different things. You are demisexual by nature and celibate by choice. It’s just that these two things coincide. It doesn’t mean you’re not actually demisexual. It just means that you don’t necessarily have to actively fight sexual urges like other, non-demisexual members of your religion.

I am disabled or chronically ill.

Maybe you’re worried that your disability or illness is what’s causing your demisexuality. Maybe you’re worried that if you weren’t disabled or ill, you wouldn’t actually be demisexual. It can be hard to untangle these things, but don’t worry it’s not necessary. In the asexual community, disabled or chronically ill demisexuals are totally welcome and their identities accepted as valid. It is totally okay to identify as demisexual if this applies to you. It doesn’t make you less of a demisexual or a fake demisexual or anything like that. All demisexual identities are real.

I have experienced sexual assault or abuse.

Some demisexual victims of sexual assault or abuse find themselves struggling with trusting partners or feeling negatively about sex, even if they didn’t before. Or maybe they were demisexual before, and are now doubting whether they really were. Whatever the case, demisexual survivors are welcome in the community, regardless of their experiences. Being a demisexual survivor is a valid identity, and you will find support from all corners of the community.

I have depression, anxiety, or another mental illness, or am on the autism spectrum.

Same as above regardless of why you identify as demisexual, your identity is valid. Neurodivergent demisexuals are fully welcome in the community, and may use the label as long as they find it useful for understanding themselves and feeling secure in their identities.

What Demisexuality is Not

Many people mistake demisexuality for other sexual behaviors, like abstaining from sex until marriage or simply being “sensible” about sex. However, demisexuality is not a choice: it is a sexual orientation. And like other sexual orientations, it is a distinct pattern of attraction, not a pattern of behavior. Here are some common misconceptions regarding demisexuality and what you can say to people who bring up these arguments.

Only having sex with people you love.

Demisexuals can choose to have sex with whomever they please, whether they love them or not. That doesn’t make them any more or less demisexual. Many non-demisexuals only choose to have sex with people they love, and that doesn’t make them demisexual. Demisexuality is when sexual attraction that is, sexual feelings directed at a person only occurs after an emotional bond is formed with said person. Whether the demisexual chooses to have sex with them or not, and whatever reason they may have for making that choice, has absolutely nothing to do with the definition of demisexuality.

Abstaining from sex until marriage.

Just like the above misconception, many people think demisexuals are waiting until marriage. However, sexual abstinence is usually a religiously motivated choice, and has nothing to do with whether the abstinent person feels sexual attraction or not. Many people feel sexual attraction, but choose to wait until marriage because of their values. This does not mean they are demisexual. On the other hand, there are many demisexuals who choose to engage in premarital sex.

A moral, sensible, or noble decision.

Patterns of sexual attraction are not decisions, because you cannot choose who you are sexually attracted to. Demisexuals do not feel sexual attraction until they form a close emotional bond with someone. This has nothing to do with their morals; it’s just how they are wired to operate and there is nothing they can do about it. Sexual orientations are not sensible or noble; they just are. People who choose to abstain from sex due to their morals are actively making the decision to not act on their sexual feelings. Demisexuals can still choose to engage in premarital or casual sexual activity, and many do.

How most people, or women, operate normally.

Most people feel sexual attraction far more often than demisexuals do and without the close emotional bond. They may be sexually attracted to strangers, celebrities, or people they don’t know well. However, they may choose not to act on that sexual attraction. Demisexuals, on the other hand, don’t have sexual feelings in the first place. They only have sexual feelings for people with whom they have formed a close emotional bond, which is usually not a lot of people. But anyone, regardless of sexual orientation, can choose to have sex with someone regardless of whether or not they are attracted to them.

Myths About Demisexuals

Because it’s a little-known sexual orientation, there are a lot of myths surrounding demisexuality. Here are some of the most common ones I’ve found.

Demisexuals are slut-shaming and judging other people for having casual sex.

Demisexuality is a sexual orientation, not an opinion or moral judgement. The only thing demisexuals have in common is feeling sexual attraction only after an emotional bond is formed. This is not a choice, unlike an opinion, which you can choose to hold. Demisexuals as individuals have various opinions on casual sex, and a few may even participate in it themselves.

Demisexuality is fake.

“Demisexual” is just a word for a certain pattern of attraction which already occurs. There is nothing fake about it. The experiences of demisexuals are real, and they just happen to have a word which functions as a shorthand for describing those experiences (which is what words do, after all). Demisexuals find their pattern of attraction significantly different enough from that of most people that they use a word to describe it.

Demisexuals aren’t oppressed, and just want a label so they can make that claim.

I have honestly never seen a demisexual claim that they are oppressed. Most demisexuals are just pleased that they have found a word and community which describes them and helps them feel less alone or broken. I’ve mostly seen demisexuals saying that they feel misunderstood or broken, not oppressed. In any case, claiming a label isn’t the same thing as claiming oppression: heterosexual is a label, but heterosexuals aren’t oppressed.

Demisexuals are just straight people trying to be queer.

You’re forgetting about the demisexuals who experience same-gender attraction, the demisexuals who don’t experience any attraction, the transgender demisexuals, the nonbinary demisexuals, and many others. There is an intersection between LGBT+ identities and demisexuality. Also, because demisexuals have a lot in common with asexuals, even the ones who are heteroromantic identify strongly with asexuals rather than heterosexuals.

Wait… Is demisexuality queer?

You’re going to get a different answer from everyone. Some people think queer can only be used by groups against whom it was originally used as a slur, while others use it as an umbrella term for all minority sexual orientations and gender identities. Some demisexuals identify as queer and some don’t. There is no consensus as to whether demisexuality is considered queer or not.

Does Demisexuality have a pride flag?

Yes we do. 👇🏻

Here’s what the colours mean on the flag.

•Black stands for asexuality.

•Grey represents Gray-Ace and demisexuality.

•White represents sexuality.

•Purple represents community

[slowlymadeart]

Does anyone know what happened to Christine Miserandino?

The woman who created "The Spoon Theory".

I'm currently working on a comic explaining what a "Spoonie" is, where it comes from, etc. I planned on the comic having a drawing of her towards the beginning, with words around her like "Awesome person, inspiring advocate. Put on some awesome awareness events. Apparently owns a GIANT SPOON. You can check out her website here!"

Along with depiction of the story from her famous Spoon Theory essay.

I wanted any info to be current or helpful to whatever she may be apart of now, so I started digging, but...

Her website is out of date (normal enough) but ALL her social media post ended around March of 2018. The last being a tweet on being extra tired and depressed. Her more personal Instagram account ended,

Even her Pinterest.

Which I found on accident, but still.

I'm going to guess she got too tired to keep all the social media going/focused on her life. (No shame in that. You go, Glenn Coco , Christine Miserandino).

So, because I'm not sure reaching out to her would be an option (and because "Spoonie" is so widely used I think it's amazing we can trace the word back to a source, so I want to make that source public knowledge. Because in her own way, she really seems to have worked her ass off for chronic illness awareness and positively influenced a massive amount of people in the disabled community)

Does anyone know what happened?

(Is she okay? Can we all chip in a send her flowers? Is the internet mad at her for some reason unknown to me and it drove her away? Should I be worried or let it go? Is she doing what David Bowie did and anonymously spying around the internet, and is reading now this post?)

I'm not trying to make this a big deal or anything. Especially if it's a matter of privacy. She's just important. I hope wherever you are, Christine, that life is treating you with kindness.

EDIT:

We found her

Well @peggydeservesbetter did. And @babyslime (who's tag doesn't work for some reason) added some important info.

She's currently using this facebook

Or rather, her friend Linda is managing most of the post there:

.... I still think we should all chip in and get her flowers....fill her house with flowers.....

(Read notes for more info! I'll be reaching out to Linda to see if there's anything we could do to show Christine some love and appreciation in a non-overwhelming and healthy way.)

[kingofthewilderwest]

How can you be proud of being Celiac? That’s like me being proud of having my arm ripped off by a shark and gloating about how awesome having one arm is. Being broken isn’t something to proud of. It’s shameful you just need to get over it and eat what people give you people in Africa are starving and here you are complaining about food. Grow up.

Sorry your post just sounded condescending like people aren’t allowed to talk about a normal thing like food because you are triggered by food and don’t seem to understand people are starving in third world countries and you are acting like being a burden to others because of your so called food allergy is a good thing. Get over it and eat what people give you stop being a big baby just eat it the worse that can happen is you get a tummy ache. Unless your allergy is deadly you have no excuse.

Heya friend! It’s great to hear from you and I’m hoping you’re having a spectacular, relaxing day! You’ll be glad to know that my emotional low from last night is over. I got a good night’s rest, woke happy, and am ready to blog about dragons and other non-personal things you may enjoy more! :D 

I also want to say I got your later ask. I’m touched you went and learned more about Celiac, and took the effort of sending me a kindhearted follow-up. I don’t know many people who would do that, so huge kudos, dude. It’s cool between us, friend, and I’m not offended. Thankfully I’ve got a tough hide and it takes a lot more to make me blink. I’m just feeling grateful you came to stop by again.

I hope it’s okay with you if I respond to your original message, though. There’s still a number of things that bother me, which weren’t nullified with your final message, which I would like to respectfully address.

I’m sorry if you or anyone else felt I spoke condescendingly or selfishly. I never wish to make others feel unwelcome. I was hoping to vent my perspective while showing that I care about others’ perspectives on this topic. If my words suggested negativity toward the other party, I did exactly what I didn’t wish or intend to do, didn’t even feel toward them, and I’m sorry for hurting anyone in the process.

What my post was about (for people catching up on this convo)

Last night under a Read More, I wrote a rare train-of-thought venting post. As you might expect on a personal vent post, I was emotionally compromised, obviously unhappy, and talking about my feelings. I talked about what it’s like for me to have a squick on food as a conversation topic.

I discussed how I felt uncomfortable but let everyone socialize, talk, etc. about food in front of me, because I didn’t find it worthwhile to bring up my discomfort and find compromise, and because I wanted to put my friends’ happiness first. In the few times I confided with friends that it bothered me, little changed afterwards. I’d rather stay silent and make people comfortable than worry I’m a social burden by restricting conversations on food, or have people try to cook accommodating dietary restrictions they’re not educated on accommodating. Essentially, I constantly fake friendly and minimize my social impact so others have fun and I’m never seen as a spoilsport or bother.

I said Celiac Disease means it’s hard to partake in trust-forming cultural food rituals (dinner parties, gifting food, religious ceremonies). I said don’t enjoy food related socialization because I feel socially left out and unable to bond in the activities everyone else can bond in. While I’m comfortable with Celiac Disease, proud of being gluten free, I said my challenge comes with interacting in a culture that can’t easily include me because of dietary differences.

I mentioned food’s also an uncomfortable topic because it’s central to ongoing mental illness struggles: I had eating disorder issues in college, and also have chronic difficulties eating properly in my Depression swings. Since food is a battle I’m constantly fighting, I have negative associations with it.

To make things clear: there was no point I said I forced others to comply with my desires and comforts, or believed people should be censored for talking about everyday things they liked. There was no point where I said that I felt like a social burden because of pride in my diet, or that my pride was what made me a social burden. I’m not happy that my squick and food intolerance can infringe on other people’s comforts, especially when I know they want to connect with me relationally and I have to awkwardly decline that goodwill gesture.

Aaaaand now we’re all on the same page!

About Celiac Disease the medical condition

Celiac Disease is an autoimmune disorder where the body responds to gluten like poison. Even small amounts of ongoing cross-contamination can result in permanently damaged small intestines. Long-term effects of ingesting gluten include everything from anemia to infertility to osteoporosis to neurological disorders / brain damage to cancer risks. It’s imperative for Celiacs to eat a strict gluten free diet for health.As an infant, before I got diagnosed and was put on a gluten free diet, I was malnourished, with a distended stomach, losing weight. Before the USA required health insurance companies to accept people with pre-existing conditions, I was denied coverage because I was considered a “high risk” medical liability.

Short-term effects can be nasty. Everyone’s different when they have a one-time exposure incident, but the last time I accidentally ingested gluten, I was vomiting, dry retching, disoriented from extreme vertigo, and reduced to shaking violently, uncontrollably on the floor for 2+ hours. It was so bad I feared I’d somehow ODed on ibuprofen (because it felt similar to ODing… heh, the one time I did accidentally OD myself, it was THE worst I’ve felt physically in my LIFE).That time spent trembling on the floor doesn’t include the diarrhea, bloating, headaches, etc. that followed once I felt comfortable standing and walking again.All that happened because a restaurant didn’t take my order seriously when I carefully specified “gluten free noodles.” Because somebody in the kitchen thought I’m some entitled special snowflake, eh? Funny joke to make the finicky eater eat what they don’t like, huh?

Even for allergies with no long-term health complications, I think it’s bad to hold the burden of social “kindness” on the person being offered food. In a situation where someone offers food to another, it’s socially dispreferred to decline the meal. Depending on culture, it can be seen as extremely rude.But nobody should have to HARM themselves to please a gift giver. That’s what happens when people with food issues accept a food gift. Doesn’t matter that the food’s offered in good faith. Doesn’t matter if it’s only one night of bloating and headaches. I shouldn’t have to stab myself in the hand if someone offers me a sewing needle. I know culturally food’s a big deal, but that’s why we contemporary society needs better education on dietary restrictions, allergens, and intolerances. It’s frankly terrifying that someone is called SELFISH for not wanting to be HURT. There’s polite ways we could thank a person, decline their offer, and show we care about them through other means.

About Celiac Disease, pride, and identity

I’m only “broken” because others say I am.You’re not broken for being unable to digest arsenic. You can still eat healthy, nutritional foods and live a full, productive life. Same with me. It’s just my poison’s gluten. It’s easy to eat balanced meals and get every protein, every chemical, my body needs. My body isn’t breaking down.That’s hardly the same thing as a shark attacking me in some near-death experience. And let’s give sharks love, by the way! More people die from elevators. [source! XD]

Your analogy with the arm worries me, friend. Talking about someone’s disability that derogatorily is ableist. While losing a limb can be traumatic for many and requires enormous, challenging lifestyle changes… calling someone “broken” for one less appendage is regrettably offensive language. 

I think it’s interesting in one sentence you call me “broken” and use the analogy of a near-deadly shark attack… and then in the next sentence downplay my issues as so irrelevant they’re just a “tummy ache.” Which is it, friend? I’m thankful you read up on Celiac and now know it’s more severe than that, but I hope when you run into future instances of even people with “lesser” allergies, you might reconsider how you discuss our everyday diet and food social choices. 

I’m not proud of Celiac Disease because it makes me a finicky eater (contrarily, used to menu limitations, I’ll gratefully eat just about anything safe). People with food intolerances aren’t finicky eaters; they’re people trying to protect their health. What I mean by pride is confidence in my identity and pride for the lifestyle Celiac has given me.

Pride in identity, even about unideal sides of us, I think is healthy. We cripple ourselves if we’re unable to emotionally accept we’re imperfect. And I don’t mean something like “proud of being a jerk.” I mean “proud of getting through life.” Pride in experiencing bad circumstances makes sense. I’m NOT saying my diet is Some Giant Trial, but when people go through trials, we can take pride in that we survived, grew, and matured through pain. Difficulties mold us into better people, so while we might not enjoy suffering, we can take pride in the better person suffering made us be. Honestly, in the areas where I have gone through major shit, I wouldn’t change anything about that past; I’d rather have learned from the pain than be the fool I was before.

Pride in our identity is also about accepting we can be unique people, comfortable differing from the crowd. The reason I’m happy and comfortable is that for me, Celiac is a lifestyle, not a limitation. We define ourselves by how we interact and integrate with culture. Diet is one way we can find lifestyle and comfort. Even if I could magically eat rye tomorrow, I wouldn’t. I never would, because a gluten free diet is ingrained into my cultural, everyday thinking and lifestyle. People can take pride in their family’s Thai cuisine; others can feel happy in something like vegetarianism or gluten-free eating, too. It’s part of my identity. I like that avoiding gluten has allowed me to think critically of my health and diet, be confident in being individual from the crowd, and be conscientious not only in how I consume food products, but how I choose to delegate my time and money. I also feel like it’s taught me how to be more self conscious of what others may need, and to be content with what I can have. It definitely doesn’t make me a perfect person (heh, I suck), but I think it’s taught me valuable things, and I’m proud that I can continue living this lifestyle as part of me.Also I frankly would feel weird as FUCK if I could just walk up and eat something without thinking. That’s… that’s not normal to me. xD I can’t untrain two and a half decades of constantly reading labels, haha!

The morality of focusing on everyday woes

Logical fallacies are unsound arguments which use incorrect reasoning. In other words, if someone uses a logical fallacy, their arguments are useless. The Fallacy of Relative Privation is a logical fallacy that disregards information because more important problems exist elsewhere. It fails to take into account that multiple problems can exist on our radar simultaneously, and that we as humans have a right to handle both serious and simple issues in our lives.As you may see now, your first message did use that fallacy.

I’m no Great Moral Teacher… I’m an idiot human like the rest of us… but I hope it’s not presumptuous of me to consider…The existence of starving, dying children in “third” (and first!) world countries… doesn’t mean I shouldn’t help my neighbor’s child when she gets a sprained ankle. Why would I sit back when she’s injured? We make positive impact when we treat sprains. By contrast, criticisms make zero positive impact. Doing kind deeds, big and little, will ALWAYS make more net good than not doing small kindnesses. Personally, I suspect we can’t provide optimal sympathy and change the world… unless we’re able to acknowledge and handle all manners of struggles. Are we truly a kind person if we tout about Big Political Issues while ignoring every emotion and feeling that makes a human tick? Are we providing the best response to someone who’s lost their home in a hurricane… if we’re not comforting them through that tragedy like they’re an everyday neighbor?I’d probably look like an asshole if a friend who hadn’t eaten all day came to me, said they’d lost their wallet, and asked to borrow five bucks – and I said, “Grow up, there’s starving children in Eritrea.” I don’t have to lend the $5, that’s chill, but telling him his problems are nothing because of starving kids is… well… ridiculous. That’s an ABSURD, out-of-proportion response to something I can easily fix, no fuss.There’s no reason I can’t say, “Sure, pay me back next week,” hand him $5, and then when I get home, make sure I’ve sent my $50 monthly donation to [insert NGO here]. I’d definitely be an asshole friend if every time he wanted to talk to me about things that weren’t optimal (rent, a rude text from his ex, grocery bill prices), I just said, “Grow up, baby, there’s bigger problems.” In life, it’s both relevant for me to pay my bills (a small stress) and consider donating to big causes that’ll stop the Amazon rain forest burnings. We’re able to – and all of us *do* – handle both sets of priorities, the big and the little.So why shouldn’t we go about our lives, looking into not only the “big” things we can do, but taking advantage when we can help people with their everyday discomforts, too?I just wish to say this so that none of us continue using the “someone’s doing worse” argument to discount others’ problems. There’s no reason why we can’t respect everyone’s struggles and help out everywhere. Doing our part to make more people comfortable and content is never in vain.

If anyone get frustrated about someone’s vent post again, I hope we all can remember! If the important things in life are Big Issues like world hunger. Maybe we should find ways to not get prioritize our time, effort, emotions, opinions, and investment prioritizing. On one soon-to-be forgotten post. Out of tens of thousands one blogger made. Out of billions. Of posts. From millions of people. On a website. That is used to share furry porn and loss.jpg memes. XD Heeheehee.

About venting on tumblr

When a person is venting, they’re going through a momentary emotional low. That’s not their normal, everyday personality. Lots of people are humble and controlled when discussing the same topics in better mental states. I know I sounded emotional in that post and focused that post on me; that’s the point of venting, though. Bottling up is unhealthy; occasionally talking out what bothers us is useful emotional processing.Even the greatest people have bad days where what they’ve bottled blows up. Are we not allowed to have occasional bad days where we break down? Are we not allowed to talk about our personal feelings because others don’t have the same problem? Does a one-time venting about one issue for one hour make us lifelong selfish whiners?Heck, if Jesus Christ is allowed a moment where he cusses out a fig tree for not having ripe fruit, and billions of people respect his moral teachings, I think we’re ALL allowed moments where we break down and cry over everyday stress. XD

One fascinating issue with social media, especially tumblr, is that our blogs are personal accounts, but followers treat blogs like consumable content. While Maria’s on tumblr to socialize with friends or talk about fandom, her followers want to be entertained by her “product,” her original posts. Unfortunately, this means many bloggers get condemned for being human. They get criticized for everyday reactions everyday humans experience: venting, having a bad day, or making simple mistakes. But this isn’t a professional account of a celebrity who has PR editing posts for public image; these are social accounts of everyday people experiencing life’s ups and downs, who should be allowed to use their personal blog as they will. They’re not cultivated entertainers; they’re creatures socializing online.

Maybe 1% of my posts are emotional venting. I don’t like venting much on tumblr. 100% of those rare vent posts are placed under read mores with tags that make it clear I’m venting. If any of ya’ll don’t want to experience them, you can choose not to click “Read More”. And you’ll never even see what I’m feeling!

Anyway! I’m all chill now! You guys have a great day, stay awesome, and thanks for thinking about the impacts of allergies, intolerances, eating disorders, and autoimmune diseases! I’m very thankful to the people who talked to me when I was struggling last night, listened to me, and suffered through my emotionality. I’m excited to keep talking about dragons and whatever else comes my way on tumblr! Hope we can have fun talking about these things together!